Odd Couples
by boboo3
Summary: These one shots make fun of odd pairings that show up on this website. I don't support these couples so don't flame me about hating the couples. Now with a C0hapter 10!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own X-men Evolution that is final!

Chapter 1: Wheelchairs and Time Bombs

Tabitha was sitting at a table with Jubilee, and her best friend Amara they were talking about going to the mall when…

On the intercom came Xavier's voice, "Tabitha Smith would you please come to my office."

"Oh damn it was probably the time bomb I put in Dr. McCoy's soup," said Tabitha, "See later 'mara and Jubes."

She walked down the hall towards Xavier's office sadly. She walked past the many paintings of sorts sadly. She arrived at the door and walked in.

"Tabitha I can't take much more of your trouble-making. I might have to take you out of the school," said Xavier, "What do you say to that?"

Tabitha had a smile spread across her face then said, "You know I love a man in a wheelchair."

A huge satisfactory grin spread across Xavier's face.

The next day…

"So Scott, let's get some dinner later okay?" asked Jean to her red visored boyfriend.

They then turned around a corner to see the oddest sight in their lives this includes Blob taking a diet, girls going through walls, people instantly appearing in other places but this just takes the cake.

They saw Tabitha who looked exuberant riding on the lap of Professor X in his wheelchair. Xavier looked extremely happy with himself.


	2. Old Guy's Magnetism

Disclaimer: I do not own X-men Evolution how many times do I have to tell you!

Chapter 2: Old Guy's Magnetism

The X-men were in the middle of a battle with the Acolytes. The whole fight Magneto had gone unnoticed until Kitty spotted him. She ran over and prepared to fight by raising her hands.

She then said, "I'm going to like go all ghosty on you!"

Magneto paused for a second and said, "How about we go all ghosty later tonight?"

Kitty looked mad for a second then she smiled at Magneto.

Magneto summoned a metal orb to pick Kitty and Magneto up then they flew to the Acolyte base.

The next morning after the battle…

Pyro was walking around the Acolyte base when he saw Magneto's orb. It had seemingly crashed into Magneto's room. He thought nothing of it and walked to the living room where Gambit, Sabretooth, and Colossus were playing cards.

About a hour later in the living room…

Pyro was losing at poker to Gambit he already lost two lighters and five hundred dollars. Also Gambit now owned Pyro's flamethrower.

Then an ominous shape walked into the room Pyro immediately thought it was Magneto and said, "Um…don't worry Mags I'll get my flamethrower back eventually."

Then the figure said, "Hey Erik, I think little John over here wants to talk to you."

"What is it John?" said Magneto he was clad in only his boxers.

The figure was really Kitty wearing Magneto's helmet and cape.

"Mags when did you become a pedophile?" asked Pyro.


	3. The Apocalypse, the Witch, and Pyramid

Disclaimer: Don't you come over here with your lawyers! I already told you I don't own X-men Evolution.

Many people are asking if these are couples people have done…well no they aren't this is just making fun of all the weird couples people could do.

Chapter 3: The Apocalypse, the Witch, and the Pyramid

In Apocalypse's Fortress…

"I am back and no one will stand in my way! Not even Professor Xavier!" said Apocalypse menacingly.

"Yes master we will get them," said Mesmero.

Busted through the entrance, "I will get you for controlling my father!" Then all of a sudden Wanda

"Mesmero leave the room," said Apocalypse.

"Why are you making him leave," said Wanda madly.

"Cause we are going to turn out the lights and get crazy!" said Apocalypse.

"Oh!" said Wanda.

"So how about it?" asked Apocalypse.

Then Wanda grabbed his collar…

The next day…

"Lord Apocalypse where are you?" asked Mesmero.

"Right here," said Apocalypse he was tied to a wall and all of his stuff was gone.

"What happened my lord?" asked Mesmero.

"She seduced me and stole all of my stuff!" said Apocalypse, "No one gets the better of Apocalypse!"

"Hey I found your wallet," said Mesmero.

"Bring it here and untie me slave," said Apocalypse in frustration.

"Umm…I think not," said Mesmero he made a mad dash out of the pyramid.


	4. Sparks of Fat

Disclaimer: Back off! Too many Lawyers! I already told you I do not own X-men Evolution

Chapter 4: Sparks of Fat

Blob was walking alone through Bayville High. He was cutting class and was going to eat some hamburgers.

He walked for a while inspecting the floor and anything that looked edible. He even started to consider eating his school supplies.

But soon he saw Jubilee.

"Hey X-Geek what are you doing here," said Blob madly.

"Looking for you big boy," said Jubilee to Blob.

Blob pointed at himself dumbly, "Me?"

"Well a secret of mine is I love fat men," said Jubilee.

Blob finally got it, "The more of me to love baby."

Then they both left school…

The next morning at the Brotherhood Boarding house…

Toad was in the kitchen trying to cook pancakes with flies on them when…the oven went on fire.

"Holy shit yo! The pancakes are on fire!" he yelled.

He started smacking it with a newspaper.

Then Lance walked in and pulled some milk out from the fridge and drank it straight from the carton then mumbled, "Pretty Kitty."

He then proceeded to snore and fell to the ground.

"Lance you idiot! Aren't you going to help me yo?" asked Toad.

Then Wanda walked in with the fire extinguisher and sprayed Toad. She then tossed it out the window and started to make some coffee.

"Come on cuddlebumps are ya' going to help me?" asked Toad.

He was now trying to spit the fire out.

Finally Pietro walked in.

"Hey Pietro help me yo!" yelled Toad now smacking the fire with his hands.

Pietro picked up a muffin and ate it then zoomed out of the room.

In the living room…

"Hey Blob how did you get so lucky?" asked Pietro, "Cause I can't imagine you with a girl."

"It's called eating anything and everything," said Blob with a huge grin.


	5. Enough for Everyone

Disclaimer: Back off I don't own X-men Evolution or any marvel products! Why are you cuffing me noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Chapter 5: Enough for Everyone

"Well I will brave it," said Jamie looking at the Brotherhood Boarding house.

He walked up to the door and knocked several times.

Then Toad answered the door, "What the hell do you want?"

"Is Raven there?" asked the cloning twelve year-old.

"You mean Mystique?" asked Toad.

Multiple nodded several times.

"Yeah she's here," said Toad just as Mystique grabbed the cuff of Toad's shirt and threw him across the room.

"Anole's a cheap rip-off!" he yelled as he faded into the distance.

"So what do you want kid?" said Mystique.

"You baby," he said.

Mystique smiled and said, "Whatever I get I share with Destiny."

Destiny yelled from upstairs, "Did you catch a big one!"

"No, but there is enough of me for all," he said and snapped his fingers as three more clones appeared, "Two for each."

They walked up stairs and Destiny was grinning like a person with mad cow. Mystique was cackling like she does in X-men Legends 2 you know, "AAAAAHHAHAHA!"

The next Morning…

"The horror," said Pietro sitting in the corner rocking back and forth, "Could hear it all night."

"Come on Pietro this place is curse we gotta get out of here!" yelled Lance picking up Pietro and running.

Wanda ran down the stairs, "Wait for me."

Toad hopped down, "I am scarred for life yo. I wish Tabby would have never busted her door down!"

"Bad day, Bad day!" yelled Blob as he ran faster than the day Pietro tied a twinkie between his eyes.

Then Destiny, Mystique, and Multiple walked down stairs. There were at least thirty dupes left from last night they all sat on the floor. Multiple sat between Destiny and Mystique, "Like I said Ladies, there is enough of me to go around."

Mystique did her weird cackle as they ran back upstairs.


	6. Metal Meets Flame

Disclaimer: Sadly I am in jail now I tried to fight them…I'm innocent I tell you I said I don't own X-men Evolution if I did I would be rich, rich I tell you!

Chapter 6: Metal Meets Flame

Colossus was on his computer in a chat room when all of a sudden…

(on computer screen)

FlameGurl99: Hey handsome what do you say you and me meet up?

IronMan567: Sounds good what time?

FlameGurl99: Your place right now!

Several minutes later…

Ding-dong the doorbell rang. Colossus ran over with a stupid grin on his face like William Hung (You know what I am talking about! If you don't then good job avoiding reality TV!)

"Who is it?" asked Colossus.

"A sexy babe who else?" asked the mystery girl.

He opened the door revealing Amara.

"X-men?" he asked.

"Just me and things are going to get wild!" she exclaimed.

She grabbed his shirt and dragged him to his room.

The next morning…

"Still at it Mags!" yelled Pyro to Magneto he had a crazed smile on his face.

"You know John you probably aren't winning back your Uniform, all your extra clothes, your lighters, your wallet, your driver's license, and last but not least your flamethrower. All you got left is your boxer shorts, and I don't want to play any further," said Gambit with a disgusted look on his face.

Pyro had five o'clock shadow and he was only wearing his boxer shorts, "Fine…I bet Sabretooth!"

Sabretooth looked shocked at this.

"Deal," said Gambit, "Well Victor guess your going to be my personal bitch for the rest of your life."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Sabretooth.

Pyro looked at his hand, it was a two, a king, a seven, a eight, and a nine. 'Wow King's are pretty good,' he thought.

He laid down his hand, "Ha!"

"Ha yourself," Gambit laid down a royal flush.

"You idiot I will kill you!" yelled Sabretooth.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" asked Gambit.

"No," said Sabretooth.

Then Gambit lifted up a maid's outfit.

Sabretooth mumbled too himself, "Damn Cajun, damn aussie."

"That's St. John to you Creed," said Pyro.

Then Colossus and Amara walked in.

"Hey guys," said Colossus.

"Wow," said Pyro, "Everyone but me is getting lucky."

Then Magneto walked in.

"Colossus you should join our club of Pedophilia!" said Magneto happily.

"Um, sure," said Colossus he left Amara on the couch.

He walked into the kitchen and saw Xavier, Mystique, and Wolverine.

"Why am I here? I haven't done any children," growled Wolverine.

"Ah, but everyone you do is a child to you," said Xavier.

"Point taken," said Wolverine frowning.

I didn't ruin any jokes did I? Please tell me if I did.


	7. Slimy Yet Satisfying

Disclaimer: Don't put me on death row! I told you I don't own X-men Evolution.

Chapter 7: Slimy Yet Satisfying

Jean was walking down the street when she heard someone say

"Hey babe," said Toad.

"What do you want!" she said.

"The question is what do you want?" said Toad.

"Hmm…"

The next morning…

Toad hopped out of Jean's room with a huge grin on his face. Kitty saw him hop out of the room. Then Jean came out looking very happy with herself.

"What was Toad doing in your room?" asked Kitty.

Jean simply replied, "Slimy yet satisfying."

"Eww…" Kitty ran off.

Toad was in living room still grinning to himself then Jean walked in.

"What are you still doing here?" asked Jean.

"Huh?" asked Toad.

"I payed you why are you still here?" asked Jean.

"Um…run!" said Toad.

Frogman jumped out from under the couch and hopped out the window. Ollie Osnick leapt from behind the television out the window. Then Toad followed.

"Weird," said Jean.

Elsewhere at a fight with the Acolytes…

Wolverine, Beast, and Storm were fighting the Acolytes.

Gambit was sitting in the corner saying, "Sabretooth how about you go fight for me?"

Sabretooth grumbled a little bit and ran at Wolverine.

Then all of the X-men cracked up Beast died from laughing so hard. Wolverine would have died but his healing factor kept him alive.

"Nice uniform," said Storm then they all laughed more, Beast kept laughing even though he died.

Sabretooth cried and ran off.

"A MAID'S OUTFIT!" yelled Wolverine.

Wow that was a short chapter…o well review!


	8. No Hints!

Disclaimer: They are going to kill me even though I already said, 'I don't own X-men Evolution!"

This chapter is rated M to be safe. Please don't flame me, if you need to talk about the content of this chapter just tell me.

Chapter 8: No Hints!

At the Acolyte base…

Pyro was sleeping in a sleeping bag wearing clothes he found in a trashcan. Colossus was on the computer in a chat room. Sabretooth was in the kitchen making Gambit a sandwich.

"Make sure there is no pickles, for every pickle I find I will kill you!" said Gambit.

"Yes sir," said Sabretooth sadly.

Then Magneto walked in, "Gambit get Sabretooth to make me a sandwich to, also tell him to get me a beer."

"You got it Mags," said Gambit, "You heard the man chop, chop!"

Sabretooth stood in the kitchen he was quite sad. He finished making the sandwiches and gave them to Magneto and Gambit.

"Sabretooth, where is my beer hurry up!" said Magneto.

Sabretooth went back to the kitchen he saw someone out the window. It was his arch-rival Wolverine.

"What are you doing here!" yelled Sabretooth at him.

Now Wolverine was obviously drunk, he couldn't distinguish his hand from a bus.

"Nothing, what are you doing in my home cutie," said Wolverine.

"Umm…this is the Acolyte base," said Sabretooth.

"You know that maids outfit looks good on ya," said Wolverine he grinned at Sabretooth.

"Okay," said Sabretooth, "Thanks I think."

"How about I go get a butler's outfit and we go to bed," said Wolverine.

Sabretooth looked shocked for a second and then said, "Well even though we are arch-rivals the author will make us gay for eachother with no reason!"

"Sounds like a plan," said Wolverine, "Hold on I got to tinkle."

Sabretooth heard a zip and a splash of water.

"Wow guess I…I…I don't," said Wolverine he smiled at Sabretooth, "Do I know you?"

The next morning…

Wolverine walked out of Sabretooth's room and said, "Wow have I got a hangover."

"What did I do last night?" he questioned.

"Slept with me," said Sabretooth.

Then Pyro got out of his sleeping bag, "Sabretooth I didn't know you chose hotdogs over tacos. That's some nasty shit."

He rolled up his sleeping bag and leaped out the window to go back to sleep.

"Hey," said Wolverine he looked at himself, "Why am I wearing a butler outfit, also why the hell did I sleep with you!"

"Cause we are inclined to be gay by the weird minds of people on fanfiction!" said Sabretooth.

"Oh," said Wolverine.

Gambit walked in, "Magneto and I would like 'nother round of beers."

"Make sure it's not light, also get us some sandwiches," said Magneto.

"So I see you have your butt-buddy here with you," said Gambit as he pointed at Wolverine, "Also I am to lazy to press the buttons on the remote, I want you to change the channels manually."

"WHY THE HELL AM I WEARING A WEDDING RING!" yelled Wolverine.

Also if you flame me at least give reasons why you did.


	9. The Master of the Untouchable

Disclaimer: I do not own X-men Evolution you sick people. What's that shot for!

Chapter 9: The Master of the Untouchable

"I want to get some serious action," said Mastermind he was sitting in front of the mansion like some kind of hobo stalker.

He even had his own cardboard box, where he trapped small animals and made him believe he was one too.

Rogue walked out and noticed Mastermind was sitting in a cardboard box.

"Mastermind what are you doing here?" said Rogue.

"Ummm…I'm not Mastermind," he said.

"Yeah ya are," said Rogue.

Mastermind put up the illusion that he was Gambit.

"I am Gambit," said Mastermind.

"Oh Gambit!" she said.

"You want to come in my cardboard box-I mean mansion," said Mastermind.

"I would do anything for you Gambit," said Rogue.

The next morning…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Rogue screamed.

Then Cyclops ran outside, "What's wrong Rogue?"

"There is a dead guy in this cardboard box," she said, "He is naked!"

"Well let's cover him up," said Cyclops, he blasted the body into smithereens.

"Thank you Scott," said Rogue.

"I do children's parties to," said Cyclops.

Elsewhere outside…

Storm was burying Beast in front of a grave; she walked away from the site.

The grave said, 'The man couldn't be told jokes or this would happen…Hey Evan I wanted to tell you your parents adopted you. Speaking of dead, ever seen Dawn of the Dead. Hmmm…I want some popcorn. You know chocolate syrup on popcorn is delicious. Xavier I wanted to tell you that your pits smell pretty bad. Oh right Hank, um…he was a great guy. Oh shit I left dinner in the oven!'

Inside the mansion…

Kurt was drinking a soda, when an eyeball landed in his drink.

"Holyshit!" he yelled he stared at it for a moment, "I wonder what humans taste like."

He drank it and said, "Wow, that was chunkylicious."

Unfortunately Rahne was in the room at the time.

"You're a cannibal?" she asked.

Kurt stared at her with hungry eyes and approached her…

Well that was the end…

Oh faithful reviewers I am going to write another humor fic soon!

Stay tuned for Magneto Good Parent or Bad…

Magneto plays baseball with Pietro and he learns a valuable lesson. Magneto goes away he hires a baby sitter with a large appetite.

Well I would like to thank my Reviewers, L'ange-Sans-Ailes, Raven Takes Flight, Fenrir's Daughter (even though you didn't get that I was making fun of slash), Rogue238, Yellowfur, Snazzy Pants, Libster59, lance's only pryde( or digni…, Casakitten, Newoikken, GothikStrawberry, RogueRemy123, Swamp Rat's Chere, PoisonRogue, and don't call me luv.

Thank you all I just hope I can keep my fanbase for the next story!


	10. The Halloween Bash

Disclaimer: I do not own X-men: Evolution, but that doesn't mean the man can bring me down!!!

That's right everyone I decided I might write a few more chapters, this might not be a permanent fixture but I wanted to do it because its my story with the most reviews per chapter and is therefore my most enjoyed one by my readers even though it is one of the shorter ones! Also these new chapters might be less based around an odd couple per chapter but instead continuing off the foundations I made enjoy!

There I go blathering like a pigeon! Unrated Director's cut bra

Chapter 10: The Halloween Bash

Scott stood looking around, "You know I wonder where Rahne went…"

"Oh she'll turn up somewhere," said Xavier as he licked foot cream off of Tabitha's nose.

In the background stood Kurt dressed as Hannibal Lecter for Halloween he was slicing off the top of Cannonballs head then feasting upon the brains.

Rogue stood nearby, "I can't help but feel something is amiss…"

"Whatever do you mean?" asked Kurt.

"Well Rahne disappears mysteriously, and now I can't seem to find Sam," she looked back at Kurt but the Sam was now covered with a lampshade.

Mesmero walked in the room arriving next to Rogue, "Heh, I heard you like old creepy perverts."

"Now that you mention it…" Rogue trailed off.

Sabretooth ran up behind Mesmero, "To late he's mine!!!"

"Aihhhhheeeeee!" Mesmero screamed in terror as he was unwillingly taken to the janitor's closet.

Meanwhile…

The door to Kitty's room opened again the satisfied old man walked out wearing Kitty's X-men uniform with an expression reminiscent of an orange sliced in half, "It doesn't work as well the other way."

He started to cry, Kitty walked out wearing a robe and shrugged.

Then Lance marched over, "Hey! You stealing my pretty kitty!"

"Where?" asked Magneto then Lance leaped out of a window.

"What did you do?" asked Kitty.

"Axe deodorant may attract all women but it repels all men but Sabretooth," said Magneto.

Before Kitty could say anything Beast rose from the dead outside laughing his ass off only to die again repeating this cycle over and over again.

"I wonder what Dr. McCoy's problem is…" said Kitty.

"His problem is he doesn't have me!" said Magneto as they leaped back in the room.

Meanwhile…

At the Acolyte Base St. John found himself only more in debt now that he was having to done organs trying to pay off his gambling debt.

Gambit had him living outside that he now owned one of his feet, an appendix, and his room.

Pyro shivered outside until he looked up it was Storm she then said, "Ready to make some milk chocolate babies!"

"Oh yes!" Pyro exclaimed.

He pulled out a dark chocolate rabbit, and Storm pulled out a white chocolate one it started to make milk chocolate bunnies with them.

"I thought you two were going to do it…back to my low-grade porn…" Gambit sighed…


End file.
